300? Shit yes.
Gladiator? You know what? I am Maximus Decimus Meridius, commander of the armies of the north and general to the Felix legions...
HBO's Rome? Bring it.
Spartacus? "I'm Spartacus, too!"
Troy? Yeah, I liked Troy. Now wipe that smirk off your face.
Even the awful Hercules: The Legendary Journeys, with Kevin Sorbo has a special place in my heart.
So when I say that the Starz series Spartacus: Blood and Sand is absolutely fucking wretched, you need to know what that means.
I barely made it through the first episode and those 42 minutes sucked on every conceivable level. I cannot think of a single redemptive quality of this show.
It is every gladiatorial story you've ever heard, drained of any hint of originality, drama or interest, dressed up as a vehicle for blood splatters, foul language and female nudity - none of which are delivered well.
The soldiers say 'fuck' and 'cunt'? Shocking!
The main character overcomes all odds to single handedly slaughter four well-armed opponents his first time in the arena? Who could have guessed?!
On a long enough time line, virtually every woman loses her clothes? Well, okay, they're being historically accurate there...
Wait, what?
According to the disclaimer that runs at the beginning of the show:
Spartacus depicts extreme sensuality, brutality and language that some viewers may find objectionable. The show is a historical portrayal of ancient Roman society and the intensity of the content is to suggest an authentic representation of that period.To which I say: Bullshit.
They've created some bastard child of Gladiator and HBO's Rome, and the only way to re-sell it was to tart it up. They wanted to show tits & ass, slow-motion blood sprays, decapitations - which is all well and good, but it pisses me the hell off when Starz then tries to claim that it's all part of an 'authentic representation' of Roman society.
I'm sorry, Starz, it's not. It is, however, an authentic representation of playing to the lowest common denominator.
It is also a fair representation of sensationalized, tired hack-work without even a glimmer of creative enterprise.
Your show blows.
10 comments:
Dude, ain't nobody able to diss on Kevin Sorbo as Hercules. That show was a huge part of child/young adult-hood for me. And Xena, Warrior Princess. Oh Lucy Lawless, what classics XD
You are right about everything, IMO, except that there are no redeeming qualities to Spartacus. The tarted up men. The nude men. Spartacus himself. My god. It makes the disgustingness almost worth it.
Sincerely,
The Lowest Common Denominator
PS- I also hate that line about it being an accurate representation. Puhlease.
Unfortunately, the first episode is one of the worst ever made--but by the time you get to the season finale, it blows every other show out of the water. I wish they would just not show the first episode! It is so completely different from the rest. You'll see a big difference already with ep 2, but if you stick with it through episode 5, you'll find yourself on an amazing ride with no desire to get off.
Okay its not historically accurate... but like the other commentor says 'hang tough... its gets way better'
Besides, I finally get a show with lots of man eye candy and I'm going to keep on watching!
The actor who plays Spartacus was just treated for cancer so there's a delay to the next season.
Emily - Right on!
Cerwydwyn - Ah, yes, the Man Candy. I had overlooked its appeal. You have my most humble apologies. *grins*
Anon - I may - may - have to check out episode 2 to see if it improves significantly. I'd like to enjoy the show, I was just so put off by what I first saw...
Susan - The inaccuracies don't bother me, just the pretense of them. You're right though, there is Man Candy aplenty. Do enjoy!
It really does get better (granted, given the first ep, that's not much of an achievement) - by the end of the first series, there's even something loosely approximating a rapport between spectators and cast. The nudity never gets toned out, though and at times it's somewhat disconcerting...I didn't *really* need to see Crixus teabag Spartacus...ever...
I proudly own seasons 1 through 6 of Xena: Warrior Princess!
I don't have cable, but am strangely temped to Google "Crixus teabag Spartacus" just to mess with the stats of some unsuspecting blog. Not yours, obviously, as you'd suspect it now.
Did you ever watch the second episode (or any others for that matter)? I have been told that it is a must-see, but I've never been able to get through the first episode and I remember that you also did not care for it from the first episode. I enjoyed HBO's Rome (and most sword-and-sandal flicks), but I am having issues with this one.
Kevin- Never watched another episode, though many people have told me (repeatedly) to do so. If I ever do, I'll let you know.
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